Movie Review: The Day The Earth Stood Still

By / December 21, 2008 /

With all this cold weather, we’ve been stuck inside like a sad puppy from the Dumb Friends League…but somehow we managed to put our mittens on and venture outside for a viewing of The Day The Earth Stood Still. After sitting through this thing, we kind of think the puppy might have been one up on us.

Earlier in the day, we did do our due diligence and watched the original 1951 version. That was one classic movie. In a lot ways, ahead of its time. The humor, the social satire, the creepiness, even the effects for 57 years ago…pretty cool. The biggest question of all…why would anyone want to remake this masterpiece? Sure, money is one good answer, but just take a look at the original and ask yourself that question again. It was perfect in every way at the time. It holds up well in this sci-fi kitschy way. Even before we went to the theater we thought it just doesn’t seem like a remake would work in any way, shape, or form.

So, after we poured our last cup of hot cocoa…we cranked up The Egotist custom Minivan and checked out Keanu Reeves acting emotionless in a dark theater. We’re pretty sure he was acting. It was hard to tell, but it does seem that this kind of role is what he does best. He’s from another world. He’s totally cool. He doesn’t care what you think. He somehow finds a suit that fits him perfectly in the middle of a military bunker. Yeah, it’s all good.

The basic gist in this waste of celluloid, is that Keanu lands in central park from another planet. Of course, he also brought with him Gort who is a big ass robot the size of a Creative Director’s ego. We’re talking one big badonkadonk. That’s really the good news. They brought Gort the Robot back from the original. Even at ten times the size, he was tons scarier in the original.

Keanu goes through the usual deal-io. You earth people are stupid…so you earthlings got to go. So, Gort is going to dispose of you and make way for a better greener earth. We think Al Gore should have gotten some screenwriting credit somewhere in this thing. Anyway…Blah…Blah…Blah…Jennifer Connelly is around as the “brilliant scientist who gets recruited in the middle of the night from the government. You know, like the government doesn’t have any other smart scientists actually working for them to figure out what to do if an alien comes to town.

One thing is for sure, if the earth gets taken over, we want Keanu with us because if nothing else…if it all goes to hell…we guarantee you won’t see an iota of emotion on that guy’s face. That will calm you down for sure.

We say take the day off…rent the original version…pour yourself a cup of hot cocoa…and one for Gort…a really big one.