The Short, Imagined Monologue of a Jewish Copywriter Who is Watching Plans Hatch for an Inter-agency Soccer League.
By / /
By Copywriter Jordan Sher
Please let’s just talk about this today and be done with it. Please, let’s all be too busy.
Please, dear God, let an RFP drop on someone’s desk this afternoon.
Please don’t ask me to join.
I do not play soccer. I do not own shin-guards. I write. That’s what I chose to do after I realized that I can’t fake my way through 8 years of pharmacy school like my mother asked me to.
Could we have a book club? Occasionally I read affected writers. Or how about a nice lunch club? I like a good pastrami.
Why is everyone getting so excited about this? Does someone here think they are a bad-ass? What is a soccer bad-ass anyway? Probably the same person who will want to play forward.
There is a ‘forward’ in soccer, right? Thank god for Wikipedia.
I bet the production artists will be all over this. They’re usually the most aggro from kerning all day.
Please don’t talk about me in the same sentence as ‘goalie.’ I will not get in the way of the ball. Although it’s the amount of running I’m comfortable with.
Maybe the dues will be prohibitive. Hmmm. Note to self—find a way to work in ‘prohibitive’ to next job.
Do I own tennis shoes? Are they called ‘tennis shoes’ still?
Oh God. Let’s not challenge Cultivator. I hear those guys are good.
Jordan Sher is a Jewish copywriter with a distaste for showing off his physical prowess in the workplace. Call it a survival mechanism. Check out his site for a view of his work.
Comments
Egotist Fan May 18, 2009
THE SHORT, IMAGINED MONOLOGUE
THE SHORT, IMAGINED MONOLOGUE OF A JEWISH COPYWRITER WHO IS DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET NEW WORK THROUGH THE DENVER EGOTIST BY WRITING A “FUNNY” COLUMN
Oh man, business is not booming.
I wonder what I should do to get a few more clients? Let me think.
Well, I’m funny on occasion. I’m sure all the clever bastards who read the Egotist will think I’m funny, too.
And maybe one or two of them will think I’m funny enough to hire me.
I should write a column based around me and my hilarious Jewishness. That’ll get them on my side.
But what will I write about? Maybe the first article can be about, hmm, well getting hired. It’s a subtle way to get that whole “hire me” idea in there without hitting them over the hammer. Yeah, that’ll work.
But where do I take the idea after that? Oh, shit. It really doesn’t have any legs this.
Hang on. Legs. Soccer. Excellent. I’ll do a follow-up on the agency soccer league.
And then I can do a really fun one on being in a brainstorm. And maybe one about the nasty coffee in the break room.
Oh, oh, even better. How about the monologue of sitting with a creative director as he fucks up your work? That’s original. Ha, I can just think of the smiles on the faces of The Denver Egotist’s most loyal readers as they nod their heads in agreement.
This could just keep going and going and going. A monologue on what to say right before a big presentation. One on sitting with an account manager who stinks of cheap cologne. One on freelancing. One on jerking myself off as I write another hilarious article. The possibilities are endless!
I hope no-one figures out exactly what the point of all this really is.
snap May 18, 2009
is this “monologue” a little
is this “monologue” a little thin? yes – but this dude put himself out there by providing content. and he did so with an actual indentity. give him something constructive instead of just self-righteously jerking YOURself off.
stan May 18, 2009
egotist fan = dick
egotist fan = dick
Egotist Fan's Bruised Ego May 18, 2009
Hey Egotist Fan, when people
Hey Egotist Fan, when people tell you you have a lot to live for, don’t listen.
See how easy it is to be an asshole?
holly May 18, 2009
i love soccer. where do I
i love soccer. where do I sign up?
McSmack May 23, 2009
Like Egotist Fan I too am an
Like Egotist Fan I too am an anti-semite of the finest order. I’m not one of those lowly skinhead jerks, who listen to foul music and drink putrid beer.
No, like Egotist Fan, I am an anti-semite of the right ilk – an intellectual. I KNOW things people. An this is why I am posting a sardonic response – just like Egotist Fan. We are intellectuals from a fine line of thinkers. Perusing this extremely intelligent (like me and Egotist Fan) website and posting my comments to keep you sheeple in the know.
So while you all may find what Egotist Fan says as being crude, we’re just here to tell you what is intelligent versus what is trying to be funny.
Oh, and it’s “football” not “soccer”. Psh, Hebrews…